


But If You Close Your Eyes

by ZodiacBiologist



Category: Ben 10 Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23356810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZodiacBiologist/pseuds/ZodiacBiologist
Summary: The car always needed to be fixed and, in some way, he was grateful for it. Sleep would have to sneak up on him, if he was to get any at all, and the car gave him something to do while he waited.Kevin struggles with insomnia, a fact he does his best to hide from others. He can't always hide it, but sometimes it's exactly what he needs.
Relationships: Kevin Levin/Gwen Tennyson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52





	1. And The Wheels Keep Spinning 'round

The screams are probably what kept him up the most. He tried reminding himself that he was a different person now, that not every time he closed his eyes would result in a nightmare.

The nightmares kept him up even longer. 

They were more like clip shows, playing out his worst moments; Destroying his mother's house, nearly killing a train of innocent people, Kwarrel crumpling to the ground set to the tune of a single blast and a choked cry, watching his mutated hands carry out grizzly revenge, powerless to stop himself.

Watching Gwen cry as he fought every instinct not to hurt her.

They were all images and sounds that kept Kevin from settling in after a night of patrol. It didn't matter where the screams or blasts or destruction was coming from these days; They all registered the same in his mind. He would return to his garage once Ben and Gwen were home safe and let himself crack.

He'd shiver, sometimes he would panic...sometimes he'd sink to the floor and relive the past. But he would never simply sleep it off.

Once he was calm enough to hold something, he would busy himself with working on various projects. The car always needed to be fixed and, in some way, he was grateful for it. Sleep would have to sneak up on him if he was to get any at all and the car gave him something to do while he waited.

He usually wouldn't remember falling asleep and it usually didn't matter. Unless he had let something drip on his face while dosing off, he normally woke up with enough time to clean himself up before Gwen and Ben arrived. He'd continue his day as if sleeping in a heap on the floor hadn't left him feeling sore or more tired than he was beforehand.

Now, that was on normal days; Today was not normal. 

"Do you think he's dead?" Ben knelt beside the older boy, aiming to flick him on the nose before Gwen grabbed his hand. 

It wasn't unusual to find Kevin working on his car; Actually, it was probably the most expected thing for him to be doing. No, the issue wasn't that they found him under his car; It's that they found him under his car NOT working on it.

"No! He's not dead, he probably just fell asleep while working. Albedo had us all up late last night." Gwen flicked her wrists, an energy beam appearing to roll Kevin out from under his car. 

Now that he was in view, it was evident that Kevin wasn't dead, though it didn't seem he would be waking up anytime soon. 

"Huh. Guess he is still breathing," Ben teased, "Should we wake him up?"

Gwen stared down at Kevin; something seemed off about the way he looked. Even when sleeping, he couldn't hide the tension on his face, almost like something was paining him. Gwen was sure she had a spell to figure out what exactly, but it wouldn't be right to pry.

Perhaps that would be a conversation better had when Kevin woke up. Besides, it was probably just a look of discomfort from sleeping on the floor. 

"...Let's let him sleep. He could use a nap after last night." Gwen finally replied, effortlessly lifting the sleeping teen with a beam of mana. There weren't too many soft surfaces in the garage, but it didn't feel right to leave him on the floor.

With a quick survey of the space, it was Ben who finally came up with an idea, "Just lay him in his car. We can tilt the seat back..." 

Ben pulled the car door open, then patted the driver seat for emphasis. It wasn't ideal by any means, but the longer she thought of options, the more unsettled Gwen felt. 

Why was Kevin sleeping like the floor was nothing? Had that been something he picked up in the Null Void? Did he always sleep in the garage? 

Again, those questions would be better suited for when Kevin woke up.

Laying him down was almost out of Gwen's control as her mixed was wrapped up in her other questions. 

"Hey, ya in there?" Ben asked, setting a hand on his cousin's shoulder. Gwen jumped,

"Huh? I'm sorry...what did you say?" 

By the time her eyes finally settled on Ben, the boy was covering a yawn. The yawn proved to be contagious, as the girl found her concerns replaced by it.

"Kevin's got the right idea; a nap would be amazing right now." Ben commented, leaning against the car for support. 

Glancing toward the already sleeping boy, Gwen couldn't help but agree. Some extra sleep would definitely help everyone out. 

Pushing her concerns aside, Gwen made her way to the passenger door, while Ben moved to his own door. No communication was necessary between the two as they wordlessly took their respective seats, made themselves comfortable, they shut their eyes.

It wasn't the ideal place for a nap, but at least Kevin wouldn't have to wake up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's evident throughout the Ben 10 series that Kevin struggles with sleep. The a few big examples I can think of are in Ultimate Alien, where Gwen scolds Kevin for sleeping on the floor of the garage, stating he promised he wouldn't do it anymore. We also see him falling asleep in random places, such as Gwen's couch and at Julie's tennis match.
> 
> In the Ben 10 Reboot, there's an episode where Kevin tells Ben he hasn't slept in six days and has almost no energy to move. 
> 
> As a sufferer of insomnia, I had to dive into that, with a series following Kevin's ups and downs with sleep. Enjoy!
> 
> Chapter Title comes from Need Some Sleep by The Eels. Disclaimer: I own nothing


	2. Shut the Light, Heavy Thoughts Tonight

Being a world famous hero with cool alien powers wasn't always all it was cracked up to be.

Sure, the fans were amazing and the recognition definitely had its perks, but there were also a few major downsides; One of which being that your sleep schedule was all over the place. 

Most nights after patrol, Ben could hardly remember his head hitting the pillow, let alone getting to his bed. Those were the nights when villains like Charmcaster or Vilgax attacked. 

Tonight, however, they had been lumped with Albedo, again, with a side of the Vreedle Brothers. That combination, while rare, was always the recipe for a frustrating night. Taking them down was becoming too easy!

So easy, in fact, that it left Ben feeling like they had forgotten something. Maybe they were only a distraction from a bigger plot or maybe they were giving in so the team would let their guard down.

Whatever the reason, Ben was having a hard time accepting that the night had ended with minimal collateral damage. 

Such a hard time in fact that he spent the next hour pacing his room, running through every possible attack that could be headed his way.

"I doubt they'd really be trying to colonize the moon- Who am I kidding? It's The Vreedle Brothers! They're always trying to colonize the moon! And, Albedo-" Ben stopped in his tracks. Great, now he was talking to himself, too. Some night this was shaping up to be; It was already 3am and there was no way sleep was in the cards for the hero. 

Briefly, Ben wondered if the same could be said for the rest of his team.

Had it been any earlier, he would have called Gwen to have her scan for any threats, but by now, Ben knew better. Gwen would be rising in the next two hours and it was best not to wake her a moment before her alarm went off (Ben had learned that the hard way). 

That only left Kevin, who was more than likely still up anyway. Sometimes Ben wondered if he ever slept at all, though, on nights like these, he could care less what his brooding counterpart was doing; Ben just needed something to do. 

"Come on, man, pick up." Ben mumbled, dialing Kevin into his communicator. No sooner had the words left his mouth, was he greeted by said man.

"Whatcha doin' up, Tennyson. It's a school night."

"I could ask you the same." Ben shot back, more than ready to fight, even if it was with one of his teammates. Kevin laughed,

"I'm thinking the same thing. Tonight was just too easy."

Ben let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Just the notion that he wasn't alone in his thinking was enough to calm him down just a bit, "Right...but-"

"It's fine, man. If anything comes up, I'll let ya know. Now, go watch Sumo Slammers or something so I can get back to work."

Now, had Ben not known Kevin the way he did now, he would have taken the comment as an insult. Actually, he would have taken the comment as an insult had it not been for the way Kevin has said it.

There was no bite to the comment, no underlying challenge for Ben to respond. It sounded more like a suggestion than anything else.

"I uh...I'm a little too charged up for Sumo Slammers right now…" Ben admitted, glancing toward the tv. As much as Ben enjoyed the show, it would be a little disheartening to watch a fictional fight far more aggressive than his own night.

There was a pause from the other end before Ben heard, what he could only assume, was the sound of a wrench being dropped.

"Head over to the shop, then. I could use a hand."

Helping with whatever Kevin was working on already sounded loads better than pacing Ben's room all night.

Crossing over to his window, Ben crawled out onto the roof, "Alright...Nanomech...I could use you right now."

Ben twisted the watch as carefully as he could, knowing full well even the slightest noise could wake his parents. Nanomech would allow him to fly off completely undetected, however, much like his ability to sleep, it didn't seem as though the boy would get what he wanted.

Jetray worked, too, though.  
_________________________________

It was nearing 4am when Ben finally reached the shop. Had things with Nanotech worked out, he would have slipped through a crack in one of the warehouse windows and snuck up on his friend. That would have been hilarious.

Again, though, Ben just wasn't going to get what he wanted. 

None of that mattered. Kevin had the door open just enough for one, regular sized Ben to climb under.

"Close it behind you, the bugs are gettin' in." Kevin called from under his car; So much for any kind of stealth.

"Man, Kevin, how'd ya know it was me?" Ben asked, turning to push down on the metal door. Kevin slid far enough from under his car to look at Ben, a smirk slowly spreading on his face,

"I felt the intelligence in the room drop."

"Ha, ha, Kevin. You got me." Ben threw his arms up in mock defense before venturing further into the garage. Kevin liked to keep the mini fridge well stocked and a ginger ale seemed to be what Ben's nerves needed. 

"That worked up, huh?" Kevin sat up, wiping his hands off on a spare cloth, "And get me a sprite while you're over there."

"I dunno, man, you did say I lacked intelligence...or whatever." Ben teased, pushing past several cans of sprite to find his beloved ginger ale.

Kevin rolled his eyes, "Ya gonna answer the question or not?"

"I told you already, tonight just seemed too easy...I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, ya know?" Ben admitted, finally emerging from the fridge. Trusting his friend, Ben tossed the sprite toward Kevin before moving to open his own drink.

Lack of sleep had no effect on Kevin, who caught the can effortlessly. Instead of opening it, though, he set it on the roof of his car, his expression a bit more serious.

"Big deal, Tennyson. We get easy nights like this sometimes. It's called being good at our jobs; Besides, you think I'd let anything happen to you or Gwen-" 

The last comment hung in the air far longer that either boy wanted to admit. 

"Is that why you're still awake, Kev...So you can make sure nothing happ-" Ben took a step forward; Kevin immediately moved to grab his soda, turning his back to Ben in the process.

"No, I'm still awake cause someone here doesn't know how to relax." There was still no bite to any of Kevin's remarks. Maybe that's just how he got when he was tired...if he was tired. 

"Who? Me?" Ben asked, a small smirk on his face. Kevin rolled his eyes again.

"Watch it, Tennyson, or I'll give you something else to worry about." Kevin tried glaring, but couldn't help his own smirk from crossing his face. 

Whatever anxiety had been between the two boys was more or less gone.

"So, what did you need a hand with?" The younger of the two boys yawned. He had almost completely forgotten why he came over here in the first place. 

"I was workin' on a-" Kevin tried explaining when he was cut off by Ben yawning again.

"Sorry, man...I think I just needed to talk to someone…" Ben rubbed at his eyes. All the fatigue he had wished for a few hours ago was now coming on full force. There was something almost comforting about knowing his team would have his back no matter what. 

Kevin only smiled, "Don't worry about it, Tennyson. I was thinking about turning in for the night, too."

"You mean morning?"

By now, the promise of sunrise was filtering over the town, giving the dark sky a light pink to it. No doubt the lawn would have a layer of dew on it by the time Ben got back home. 

"Want a ride?" Kevin offered. 

Ben shook his head, "I'll be fine...I'll let you know when I get home, okay?"

"Fine by me, Tennyson. Just uh...Don't fall asleep in the middle of the road or something." 

"I'll try not to…" Ben smirked. Kevin would never tell him to get home safe, so comments like those would just have to do. 

Heading toward the door, something had caught Ben's eye; something that hadn't been in the garage at any other point...or maybe it had and he just never noticed.

It was probably just the fatigue settling in, but Ben could have sworn he saw a pullout couch in the corner of the garage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was interesting in Night Of the Living Nightmare, Ben (Albedo) said it was too late for him to go to Gwen, but that Kevin was more than likely still up. I kind of head cannon now that Kevin is Ben's go-to person when he can't sleep after patrolling.
> 
> After the events of the first chapter, Kevin did get a pullout couch. Now, rather or not he uses it is a whole other story.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Enter Sandman by Metallica


	3. I Don't Go To Sleep To Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcohol and drug use, PTSD, and panic attacks.
> 
> If I missed any, please let me know. This chapter focuses on some heavier topics. 
> 
> Chapter title from Sleep to Dream by Fiona Apple

It wasn't supposed to come down to this...again.

It wasn't the first time alcohol had crossed his mind and, given Kevin's track record, it wasn't going to be the last. 

As a child, it used to offer him a temporary pause in the insanity. Booze had a way of dampening his hunger for absorbing energy and let him relax for once. Not even his own mother would question his sudden change in behavior, instead taking comfort in watching her son fall asleep in front of the TV while some cartoon played on.

After getting out of the Null Void, alcohol and, on a few occasions, drugs, some far more potent than anything that could be found on earth, was at the ready...for the right price. 

When Kevin could afford to spend that kind of money, the weeks would bleed together until he wasn't sure what planet he was on anymore; it was probably better that way. 

While his days were getting blacked out one by one, there were still things he couldn't erase. One bad trip had him screaming for Kwarrel and a month long bender had him calling his mom from, probably, the last known payphone in existence, her number being the only thing he could remember; He couldn't even tell her his own name when he called. 

These instances had been far and few between however, as the price for the good stuff was insane and the highs he got from making a deal or learning something new about his powers was far more appealing than booze. Eventually, even working on his car became a much more enjoyable pastime.

Tonight though, he didn't have these things as options; Tonight left him shaking far too bad to work on the car, let alone think about it. Finding his mom's house destroyed, again, was deeply unsettling. He knew it wasn't his fault, but it also wouldn't have been the first time bits of his memories failed him; what if he did do that?

The second scare was entering the home to find his mother gone. After years in the Null Void with his only parental figure out the time murdered within feet of him, for it to happen again would have killed Kevin; it would have literally killed him.

Finding his mom was one of the hardest things he had ever done and he wasn't about to let her go again. 

"Kevin?" 

Like hearing her voice through the payphone, the instant relief of knowing his mom was alive became quickly overwhelming. Every alarm was going off in Kevin's head to find whoever destroyed her house and kill them on sight. 

This woman deserved to feel secure in her home...she already had one destroyed by her own son… 

The broken frame and the name of his father's killer did nothing more than set his soul on fire. If he couldn't get it under control and fast, he didn't trust himself not to act reasonably.

And so, here he was, chattin' it up with his old friend, bourbon. 

It started as a shot, just something to get his hands to stop shaking long enough to dig up some information on this Ragnarok guy...But one shot, turned to two with the images of both his mom's houses being destroyed getting mixed up in his head. 

The third and fourth shot came along with the inevitable 'What-If's'. What if his mom had been home? What if he was the one who destroyed her second home? Did she make Ragnarok up to save face?

There was no fifth shot as Kevin had then turned to swigs; Ragnarok had supposedly killed his father, but if he didn't exist...and it was Kevin who destroyed his mom's house..did Kevin kill his father?

And with that intrusive thought, the bottle was tilted back and Kevin didn't set it down until the only thought left in his head was a name; not his own, but his favorite. 

Gwen.  
_________________________________

"Night, Mom." Gwen called from her spot at the dining room table. If she worked fast enough on next week's French assignment, she could catch the new Lucky Girl Reboot episode before bed. 

With only four questions to go, there was no doubt she would-

"Gwennnn-" 

"Of course…" Gwen mumbled. Who could that possibly be? Ben has a key to the front door and Kevin...well...Kevin would get creative on how to get in. 

"Gw'n...c'mon!" The voice called again. Okay, no doubt now it was Kevin...still didn't explain why her front door didn't suddenly have a peephole where the knob should have been...Or why he hadn't just knocked yet.

"Something's wrong…" Gwen deduced, setting her pencil down and heading for the door. 

Glancing through the only peephole she would allow for this door, her suspicion was confirmed; It was Kevin and something definitely wasn't right.

At least her door wasn't broken…

"Kevin?" Opening the door was definitely a mistake as Gwen discovered too late that it was the only thing keeping Kevin upright. She couldn't stop the boy from falling on top of her, but she had enough sense to use her manna to catch both of them

"S-sorry 'bout the-...huh?" Kevin glanced back at the otherwise completely unharmed door. Apparently, even he knew something wasn't right, despite his current state. He cared a little more if he broke Gwen's door over Ben's, but it was late. Usually late was a time for being snuck in through the window…

Gwen cupped his face, looking for any clues to why her boyfriend would be acting so weird. She had suspected a concussion before the overwhelming scent of alcohol hit her.

"Seriously, Kevin? Have you been drinking tonight?" Gwen glared, using her mana again to push her boyfriend off of her. Kevin made no attempt to upright himself. 

"I needed it…" He mumbled.

"You never need alcohol, but you do need to get up before my parents see you like this." Gwen moved to help him stand, a tedious task at this point, really; it would have been far easier just to lift him up the stairs with her powers and, around the sixth time Kevin stumbled, she actually considered it.

However, by then they were already within reach of her bedroom door and there was no sense finding out what effect suspension had on a drunk person.

Gwen opened her bedroom door and pushed Kevin in, trusting him to find her bed; Even if he didn't, the room was charmed to be soundproof, so nothing he did would wake Gwen's parents...hopefully.

Lucky for both of them, Kevin did find the bed...well, most of it anyway; his legs didn't really want to work with him.

"Alright, Kevin, what's going on?"

It took Kevin a moment to register that he was being spoken to, a clear confusion etching itself onto his face as he stared into the space far beyond Gwen's ceiling. When he finally did speak up, it was as if he had realized he had been asked a question, just not what had been asked.

"I-I killed my father, Gwen." 

"What?" Gwen asked, taking a seat beside the boy. Not even the sudden movement was enough to draw the boy's attention away from the ceiling. 

"My mom's house was all de-der...uh...Mashed up...I did t-that…" The boy spoke more to the ceiling than to the girl next to him. 

"I know, Kevin, when you were a kid-"

"Nuh huh! Mom's house got smashed in tonight! I saw it!" Kevin sat up suddenly, the urgency in his voice rising.

Had Gwen not charmed her room, there was no doubt her parents would have heard the two of them by now. 

As what Kevin had said began registering to Gwen, a deep dread began to take over.

"Kevin...please tell me you weren't drinking and driv-" The rest of the phrase never made it out of her mouth as Kevin stood up and set a frantic pace around the room. 

"My mom deserved that house. I smashed the first one, so I got her that second one! And then, thennn...she let's me move in, Gwen! Let's me come back home like I DESERVE a home…" Kevin all but shouted, gripping at the ends of the hair his ID mask projected, then stopping dead in his tracks, "I don't deserve a home…" 

"Oh...Kevin-" Gwen stood to hug the man, but apparently he was done standing, letting himself topple over onto the bed. Had the situation been a little less tense, Gwen would have thought to laugh. Instead, she watched wordlessly as Kevin sprawled out on her bed, hands gripping at the blanket.

"This bed...this bed is so nice…" Kevin turned his head to nuzzle one of the pillows, a look of content spreading across his face. For a moment, Gwen thought he might finally be settling down, 

"How about we get you ready for bed and we can talk about this later…?"

"'Cause I don't deserve to sleep..uh...in a bed...I'm gonna sleep on the floor." His earlier content look was quickly replaced with one of determination as the boy picked up the pillow he had been nuzzling and sat up. Before he could lower himself to the floor, Gwen moved to hold the boy by the shoulders.

"No, Kevin. You're not." She said sternly.

"Why not? Didn't get no bed in the Null Void...I think…" Kevin paused for a moment, wracking his brain for any memory of a bed in prison. It was a losing battle, as most of his memories had been scrambled by the alcohol.

"Well, you have a bed to sleep in, now." Gwen pulled back the blankets and patted the mattress, trying to seem as inviting as possible. 

In that time, however, Kevin's train of thought had jumped the track once more. He abandoned his pillow and now took to staring at the wall, hands fidgeting in his lap.

"I didn't like the Null Void, Gwen…" 

"I know, Kevin, but you're here, now." Gwen spoke softly, putting an arm around her boyfriend. The gesture seemed to ground him just enough to stop his fidgeting, but he still had things on his mind.

"When's it gonna stop, Gwen?" Kevin asked, his face displaying every emotion his voice lacked. The pain and confusion written all over his features was worrisome and, briefly, Gwen considered using her powers to read the boy, to figure out what was going on in his head. No doubt his past had been a tricky one and, right now, with alcohol tearing down any mental wall he had worked so hard to put up, Gwen could get the clearest picture of Kevin she could ever ask for.

She knew better than to pry, though. Sober Kevin had set very clear boundaries that he trusted Gwen not to cross and, while he no doubt would let her while he was drunk, he would regret it later.

So, for the meantime, Gwen continued their mostly one sided conversation. 

"When's what gonna stop, Kev?" She asked, though a moment later, she almost wished she hadn't. 

"Everything happens all over again and it won't stop!" Kevin couldn't help the way his voice rose or how he began to tremble. Everything began to hurt, his body, mind, even his own thoughts began to feel like too much. He needed it to go away and the only way to do that was to keep talking. If he stopped, it felt like he'd stop breathing or bust apart, whichever happened first. 

"I keep hearing Kwarrel die and-... m-my mom and-I feel like I'm outta my head again, sometimes, but I don't wanna feel like that anymore! I want to get better, Gwen!" 

That's when the tears started; Gwen had to admit, she had never seen Kevin cry before, at least, not like this. She had seen a solo tear during a movie where a dog died and watched his eyes tear up while chopping onions for Grandpa Max, but never like this.

While he rubbed at his eyes, these tears wouldn't stop and every one that fell took a breath away until he was left gasping between sobs. His whole frame was jarred with each set of sobs, giving the illusion that he was smaller than he really was.

Had Gwen not been holding the man, she would have believed the illusion. 

"But, Kevin, you are better…" She whispered, taking to steadily rocking him, tracing patterns on his back.

Then it occured to Gwen that she was, in a way, looking at an illusion. Had it not been for the ID mask, the man sobbing before her would look more like a mosaic, pieces that didn't go together now forced to hold together a person. This was only one of many transformations Kevin's body had been subjected to, all caused by powers that could drive him crazy if he wasn't careful. 

It was almost like a sick joke; The only other being in Kevin's life that could possibly understand any of this was gone and he was blaming himself for it. Because his lack of resources caused the instability that destroyed his childhood and hurt so many others along the way. Here he was, grown up and still so little understanding of himself and his abilities, and beyond his disguise, he now lived in a physical reminder of what kind of freak that made him. 

He might not be as bad as he was in the past, but Kevin still had a lot more to overcome and 'better' didn't begin to describe how he felt right now.

"I'm not! Not if I keep feeling like this…"

'This', however, continued to be a vague statement. Whatever the issue, the real issue, Gwen still wasn't sure and Kevin wasn't in his right mind to tell her. The best she could do right now was take mental note of the things he was saying and see if she couldn't get more answers at a later date. 

"You need some sleep, Kevin." Gwen finally said once the sobs began to turn to hiccups and the shivering died down.

"I-I can't...what i-if…" Sleep was so close for Kevin, but years of learning to fight it, in fear of the past coming to get him, kept it at bay.

"I won't let anything happen to you tonight, Kevin...you just have to trust me…" Gwen moved to cup the boy's face, brushing away any remaining tears. The gesture seemed to knock Kevin's defenses down a notch.

"Just make it stop-" He whispered, a look of desperation now taking hold. He was exhausted and the only way Gwen could ensure he could sleep uninterrupted was with a spell. He wouldn't remember falling asleep and, hopefully, wouldn't dream either. He was trusting her to help however she knew how.

"Somnus…" The spell was barely above a whisper and followed with a soft forehead kiss. 

All emotion slid from Kevin's face as he was finally granted the sleep he desperately needed. He would wake up the next morning in Gwen's arms, in one of the most comfortable beds he had ever laid in, and a hangover to end all hangovers. 

The only thing he would wake up without was any memory of the night before.


	4. Like Nothing Changed At All

"I think we all deserve a smoothie after all this." Ben smiled big, as if they hadn't just finished turning Zombozo over to the other Plumbers. 

"Can't tonight." Kevin casted a dirty glance to the villain before turning to unlock his car. Ben's smile fell.

"Oh, come on, Kev, you're gonna ditch us again?" The brunette teases, taking his place in the back seat.

Kevin grimaced, glancing up at his rearview mirror to get a look at the other boy's face, which remained as smug as it always was, "Nah, I got a thing tonight."

"Seems like you have a thing most Wednesday nights." Gwen said, settling into the passenger seat. 

"Not my fault my mom insists." Kevin commented, putting the car in drive. 

A silence fell over the teens as they had learned early on not to comment when Mrs. Levin was involved. The lady liked her things the way she liked them, and deserved to have them that way. So, as much as neither of the Tennyson cousins were ready to go home for the night, they accepted that their smoothies would have to wait.   
_________________________________

"Perfect timing." Kevin mumbled to himself, pulling into his mother's driveway. He glanced at the front of the house to ensure that there wasn't any new damage from some old foe of his dad's. 

Instead of damage, however, he spotted his mother, waving to him from the window. 

Best not to keep her waiting.

"Hey, mom, I'm home." Kevin greeted as he stepped through the door, trying to keep from smiling too much (you never know when Ben might show up). His mother stood in the living room, unable to keep her own smile off her face.

"Right on time." She said, holding her arms open to the boy, who welcomed the hug.

Not much was said between the two as Kevin went to set up their TV trays and his mother finished up dinner in the kitchen.

Watching a taping of Wheel of Fortune over dinner had become something typical of their Thursday nights now that Kevin started coming around regularly. While some nights left them completing the ritual anywhere from 5pm to 1am, it was still something they tried their best to keep up. 

While Kevin would have loved to watch TV into the night like he used to, the recent addition of a somewhat normal schedule, for once, meant that he knew what to expect. The comfort of control over his own life made sleep come easier than it ever had. 

By the final puzzle, Kevin had already started to nod off. Per Gwen's request, however, he knew better than to just fall asleep on the couch. 

"Alright, mom, I think I'm gonna head to bed." He said, reluctantly, standing to fold his TV tray. Much to his surprise, his mother stood as well.

"I was thinking the same thing, actually." She took his plate from him, then headed for the kitchen. Kevin would have followed to help with the dishes, though he almost feared that doing anything other than focus completely on being tired would somehow make him more awake. 

Yeah, that seemed logical.

Walking directly to his bedroom, Kevin didn't bother with looking for pajamas, just in case he was needed in the middle of the night. He never had pajamas in the Null Void, anyway. 

"You're going to sleep in your work clothes?" His mother's voice caused him to yelp in a way that made him grateful Ben wasn't around. 

"Mom!? Don't sneak up on me like that." Kevin rubbed a hand over his face, trying to come off as passive; He never was good at tricking his mom, though.

"Sorry...I thought you might want a story before bed." 

"Why would I want that?" The boy asked, though he quickly regretted it the moment he saw his mother's face fall. 

"You used to love when I'd read to you...It was one of the only things I could do with..." She said, as if it hadn't occurred to her yet that her son had grown in the time he was away. 

But, her son had changed; He was older now, more calm than he had ever been, and for once, she could actually stand in the same room as him without fear. With that, came confusion, as Mrs. Levin, as much as she would hate to admit it, no longer knew her son. The boy she remembered was troubled and she could never figure out how to help him. The child who returned to her was not a child at all, but a hard working man, who loved deeply and could deal with his problems on his own.

If he hadn't needed her this whole time, had her attempts to help been holding him back? Was it even a good idea to attempt to bond with him or did he need to entirely shut out his past in order to live his best possible life. 

Past Kevin would have stormed out of the room, putting a hole in every wall he could reach, and Mrs. Levin had to remind herself that part of his life was over now. 

Present Kevin seemed to pick up on that, as he moved to sit on the edge of his bed, patting the spot beside him for his mom to join him. Now that nobody was blocking the door, either of them could leave at any time. 

"Maybe...we should just try starting over…" Kevin spoke toward the wall, as if he wasn't talking to anyone specific. It was just easier that way. 

"What do you mean? You've needed your mother and I wasn't there when you were in-"

"No, Mom...none of that was your fault...I needed to be in prison...it's where I finally got help...I needed to learn how to control my powers and the person who was able to help me wouldn't have just come into my life if things continued the way they were...I'm not mad about; I'm always going to need you, Mom, but sometimes I need you to stand back." Kevin tilted his head toward her, though never looked at her, his sentences coming out as rambles. 

Mrs. Levin sighed, putting her hand on top of his, "Do you need me to stand back, honey?" 

Kevin thought for a moment. While going directly to bed was still very much an option, the guilt would end up keeping him awake. Maybe going off schedule would be okay, just for tonight.

"No...I think I'm going to need that bedtime story…"

Something about hearing the Princess Bride always helped Kevin sleep. 

Maybe he should have tried this sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, folks! Thanks for reading!
> 
> Chapter title comes from Pompeii by Bastille


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